Let's Dissect the Golden Globes

Even though I haven't seen every movie or TV show nominated, I'm here to give my take on the Golden Globe nominations. Who will win and who should win. Are you ready?

Best Picture Drama: This is a tough year with quite a few good movies and no clear front runner, plus there are seven nominees rather than the traditional five, meaning the nomination process had to have been tight to begin with; but let's give it a shot.

Will win: Atonement
Should win: No Country for Old Men

Best Actress - Drama: Oh Jodie Foster, love of my life, I'm afraid there is no Globe for you this year. The question is whether they celebrate a vetern actor or a fresh(er) face.

Will win: Julie Christie
Should win: Jodie should always win.

Best Actor - Drama: The Hollywood Foreign Press is notorious for sucking up to the big stars, so it's a question of whether Denzel or Clooney wins this year.

Will win: Clooney
Should win: Daniel Day-Lewis

Best Picture - Comedy: Should Charlie Wilson's War be here? Anyway, there's no ignoring the Sweeney Todd buzz, and the HFP loves buzz.

Will: Sweeney Todd
Should: Juno

Best Actress - Comedy: Basically four (relatively) newcomers and Helena Bonham Carter. Unlike the Oscars, the Globe likes to reward newcomers in the best actress category rather than best supporting.

Will: Amy Adams
Should: Ellen Page

Best Actor - Comedy: It's between Johnny Depp and Johnny Depp. I wonder who it will be.

Will: Depp
Should: Depp

Best Animated Film: I love that it isn't best animated motion picture, but best feature film. Is there a difference?

Will: Ratatouille
Should: Ratatouille

Best Foreign Language Film: I guess Persepolis is too serious for the cartoon category.

Will: The Kite Runner
Should: Persepolis

Best Supporting Actress: Here is another big star versus talent category. Not that Julia Roberts isn't talented, but her star power is more important here.

Will: Julia Roberts
Should: Amy Ryan

Best Supporting Actror: I don't know if Travolta's star power is strong enough to pull off a win here, so it will have to be the most talented.

Will: Javier Bardem
Should: Bardem

Best Director: Atonement has received the most nominations, but is that any indication of how this category will go? I don't think so.

Will: Tim Burton
Should: The Coen Brothers (Love that they're both named)

Best Screenplay: The HFP doesn't bother splitting scripts between original and adapted. Is that good or bad?

Will: Diablo Cody (Juno)
Should Cody

Best Score: Now here's an interesting category. Clint Eastwood is nominated for scoring a movie he has no other connection to. Is this novelty enough for a win?

Will: Atonement
Should: Eastwood (Grace Is Gone)

Best Song: Usually the lamest category for the Globes and the Oscars, but the same novelty mentioned in the previous category applies here as well.

Will: Eddie Vedder for "Guaranteed" (Into the Wild
Should: "Walk Hard" (Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story) [Even if "Let's Duet" is a better song.]

Best TV Series - Drama: Where's The Sopranos? Was the HFP as disappointed with the finale as the rest of the world?

Will: House
Should: Mad Men

Best Actress - TV Series Drama: Seven nominations, which means a free-for-all. The snub of The Sopranos probably means Edie Falco is shit out of luck this year.

Will: Kyra Sedgwick
Should: Glenn Close

Best Actor - TV Series Drama: I love Hugh Laurie in just about everything, even that terrible remake of The Flight of the Phoenix, but does the HFP? I think so. However, I think he should be nominated for best comedy actor.

Will: Laurie
Should: Laurie

Best TV Series - Comedy: Four of the five nominees have something to do with the entertainment industry, but that the HFPs bread and butter. However, will those four split the vote?

Will: 30 Rock
Should: Pushing Daisies

Best Actress - TV Series Comedy: Samanatha Who? No, really what is this? I assume it's a TV series? Why do I think most of the HFP sit around and make catty comments while watching Ugly Betty almost everyday?

Will: America Ferrera
Should: Tina Fey

Best Actor - TV Series Comedy: Will that whole "rude little pig" thing derail Alec Baldwin from a Globe? Ha! It's the Hollywood Foreign Press, they don't give a shit.

Will: Baldwin
Should Carell

Best Mini-Series or TV Movie: I know so little about all of these nominations that I'm going with the Indian one, because how many Indian (feather, not dot) movies are there?

Will: Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee
Should: Same

Best Actress - TV miniseries or movie: What's with all the goddamn TV acting categories? Couldn't they have at least one TV writing category? Well, let's pick a straw.

Will: Debra Messing
Should: Bryce Dallas Howard

Best Actor - TV miniseries or movie: Again, isn't this like the thirtieth acting Gloden Globe category? WTF?

Will: Jim Broadbent
Should: Adam Beach

Best Supporting Actress - TV: See, at least in the Supporting Acting categories they bunch everything together. Mini-series versus regular series versus TV movie, and it doesn't matter if it's drama or comedy. It's like Thunderdome. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, dying time's here.

Will: Katherine Heigl
Should: Jaime Pressley

Best Supporting Actor: Hasn't Shatner won every award three times for playing himself in every episode of Boston Legal? It's like awarding a Golden Retriever for chewing up the carpet and humping your leg. However, I think that's Jeremy Piven's complete performance in Entourage. Is that show still on?

Will: Shatner
Should: Ted Danson