Monday, June 26, 2006


I have to give a twenty-minute reading from my book for my graduate residency in a couple of weeks. As a matter of fact, I have less than two weeks to perfect my delivery. I hate my voice, I mumble a lot, stammer, slur my words, stutter on occasion (especially when I'm nervous) and sweat uncontrollably. This is going to be the best reading ever!

And I'm the first one to read. No pressure there.

So, I'm practicing, which seems a little weird. If anyone was within earshot, they'd think I was talking to myself, like some crazy person. And since this is a crime novel, they might call the cops as well.

To make sure people will stay and listen, though maintaining an audience isn't a requirement for graduation - thank god, I need to spice it up. Do the voice and all that crap, otherwise it will be a terrible monotone. We get a performance workshop, but it's the day before my reading - a lot of fucking good it's going to do me.

So, I just need to prepare myself for the inevitable boos and thrown tomatoes. I can't wait for this public humiliation.


Stephen Blackmoore said...

Just go out there, stand in front of everyone and drop your pants.

After that, anything you do will be easy.

Patrick Shawn Bagley said...

Dude, no one is going chuck tomatoes at you. That's crazy. I've been keeping a carton of eggs in the trunk of my car for six weeks now. They'll be perfectly ripe for your reading. Hey, they even came from my own chickens. That's how much I care.