Friday, April 18, 2008

I'm Determined to Fight this Affliction

I don't feel the sickness yet, but it's in the post. That's for sure. I'm in the junkie limbo at the moment. Too ill to sleep. Too tired to stay awake, but the sickness is on its way. Sweat, chills, nausea. Pain and craving. A need like nothing else I've ever known will soon take hold of me. It's on its way. (Mark Renton - Trainspotting)


No, I don't have a junk habit; but I do have a re-write problem. As much as I hate doing multiple drafts, I have this incredible urge to stop what I'm writing - with which I'm not done yet - and go back to the beginning. Live in the past rather than push forward. I know there are mistakes in characterization. I know that certain plot points don't make sense in relation to what I've written since. Locations and actions have become redundant and illogical. Developments of plot and character are weak. Jesus, I just want to go to page one and start fixing things. Oh, the pacing is not where it should be. The overall mood isn't right. Someone stop me from reading what I started less than a month ago. I can't allow myself to stop my momentum just so I can remain stuck in the mud of the first two-thirds of the manuscript. Oh, how much longer until this shitty draft is finished?

Must...remain...on...task...everything is blurry...water! oh god, water...red pen...my kingdom for a red pen...no!...must...resist...red pen...red is the mark of the devil...the measure of success is victory and success...Bush administration rationalition making sense...losing it...mind slipping away...where am I?...where...is...the...end?...help...help...help...help...help...

4 comments:

Clair Dickson said...

I understand that urge-- sometimes I can press on, but somedays... well. Somedays I tear, shred, and otherwise make no discernable progress on my writing.

Lyman said...

Steve, just do like I do... Highlight one third of the text and hit delete. Oh yeah.... I'm not supposed to be doing that anymore....

pattinase (abbott) said...

I start at the beginning of a story every time I sit down. The start is overworked, the end raw. Sick.

Josephine Damian said...

Maybe take a step back and do a basic outline?