So, for my part in this event, I give you the following story:
Take That, You Prick
By Stephen Allan
Dear faithful blog readers: Today I'm going to be arrested, probably as soon as this gets posted. It seems that I've shot my neighbor this morning. You constant readers will remember my post from last Saturday, Shut That Fucking Dog Up Before I Come Over There and Shoot You Between the Eyes, Asshole, in which I first told you of my problems. Many of you commented that I should calm down, many of you doubted I had the balls to do it (I'm talk to you CrzeeHiD!), and some of you were gracious enough to send me information on where I could pick up a gun without worrying about having it traced back to me.
I have to thank those who commented on my second post concerning my troubles, I'm Gonna Put That Goddamn Dog in a Bag and Throw It Off a Bridge. I have to give a special shout out to commenter SexyMF (the Rotterdam Pass Bridge over by the Interstate really was the best place). I can still hear that dog yapping all the way down to the water. Of course many of you thought it was a mistake to post I Don't Know Where Your Fucking Dog Is, since I wrote that I did in fact know where the fucking dog was, and that it was known that my neighbor read this blog. Perhaps it was a mistake, as I revealed in Wednesday's My Visit to the Police Station that the authorities were now reading this blog as well. That revelation lead to my review of the latest donut unveiled from Dunkin' Donuts in Thursday's Why Don't You Go and Eat Another Fucking Donut, You Fucking Pig? For future knowledge to other bloggers out there, police officers will not post comments on your blogs; they simply show up at your front door.
Despite a mostly peaceful Thursday night, without a bark in the whole neighborhood; I woke up Friday to the sound of a new dog barking from next door. You'll remember I wrote about it yesterday in I Can't Believe You Bought Another Fucking Dog. I also did a rare second post on the same day: This .357 Feels Pretty Good In My Hands. Thankfully there's a sportsman show in town this week, because I don't think I could have waited three days for that gun.
I can hear the sirens now. The cops have arrived next door. My late neighbor's ugly wife is pointing at my house. Bitch. I guess she doesn't appreciate what I did for her. The cops are walking over here. I think I see powdered sugar on their uniforms. They're pounding on the front door. Just need to post this before I answer the door.
Anyone know a good lawyer? Please post their information in the comments section below.
Blog Project List. Check out project stories by these writers around the blogosphere:
Stephen D Rogers
Pari Noskin Taichert
David J. Montgomery
Very funny one. And isn't it strange how many of them are humourous. I wasn't expecting that. I thought they would be bloody, violent group.
Check out mine at email@example.com
The *best* blog entry titles on this or any other planet.
I think my neighbors are soooo lucky to be surrounded by folks who put up with their dog wandering (and crapping) all over the neighborhood....
Hahaha! Very good. :-D
Humor so dark, it's almost ultraviolet. Good stuff.
Funny stuff. That powdered sugar line is great.
This is too funny. A blast, man.
The next story project should be based on a hat-drawn list of the titles from this story. Great fun, Stephen.
This guy is my new hero. He's like Michael Douglas in FALLING DOWN.
I missed a story by John Stickney posted Monday, and Jim Winter posted a late entry last night. I've added both links to the list of project contributors on my blog.
I have a barky, barky dog. You don't live near Cleveland, right? Funny, funny stuff.
If nothing else, Steve, I can always count on you for a good laugh. As usual, this story rocked in its own twisted way. The Stump's little mama would be proud. :)
Thanks for all the compliments, everbody. I really enjoyed writing this piece. I hope Dave and Bryon organize another project in the future.
I found this one late, but it was worth the wait.
Is your neighbor's noisy dog getting you down? Too much barking? Post it here at the Barking Dog ATLAS.
Post a Comment