Monday, January 07, 2008

Search Me

On a lark I checked the keywords people use when they stumble upon this little blog. Want to see what people are searching for? These are swaer-to-god real searches that resulted in hits on my blog.

ALL ABOUT ME

steve allan band [Never been in a band, or at least not since junior high.]
steve allen new york sex [Maybe the next time I'm in town.]
steve allan strippers [All paternity tests came back negetive.]
steve allan released from jail [My friends from the big house trying to reconnect.]
death of steve allan [Explanation, please!]
steve allen, hell [Oh, I hate it when people spoil the ending.]


LOVE THY NEIGHBOR

my neighbor is a prick [Hostile.]
that fucking neibors barking dog [Transference.]
shut next door fucking dogs up [Strategize.]
neighbor shoots barking dog [I love it when a plan comes together.]


LOVING THY NEIGHBOR


stories of fucking my neighbor [Isn't it nice to get along?]
fucking the neighbor stories [Yeah, you mentioned that already.]
fucking story of neighbour [Well, don't wear yourself out.]
fucking my neighbor stories [Can't you think of anything else?]
fucking the neighbors wife short stories (5 hits) [At least you've moved on.]


PUPPY LOVE

stories of dog fucking [I'm sure this type of search is rare.]
story of fucking of dog [It's probably one or two sickos.]
dog fucking stories (2 hits) [Or up to four weirdos.]
fucking dog stories (5 hits) [What the fuck?]
fucking dog blogspot [People will blog about anything.]
storys about wifes fucking dogs [Why are these people coming to my site?]
fucking neighbors dog stories [Is this in place of the neighbor or in addition to?]


STUMPY!
small stump [It's not the size that matters...]
arm stump fuck [Unless we're talking about it in relation to the elbow.]
hump a stump (3 hits) [Sounds like a bumper sticker.]
hump my stump (2 hits) [Sounds too demanding.]
stump fucking wives [The Lifetime Channel sure has some weird shows now.]


FOR THAT NOT SO FRESH FEELING
What is a douche bag? [Kids ask the darndest things.]
douche bag buy cheap wholesale [If you gotta buy it by the gross, maybe you should see a doctor.]


PERVERTED COUNTRY

Wyoming naked [Well, what exactly are you looking for?]
naked Wyoming [Are you searching for wide open country, like, unpolluted?]
Wyoming porn [Oh, I see, you're just an average pervert. May I suggest just about any other site but mine. I mean, Jesus, you can't find porn and thought you'd try here?]



LET ME ANSWER SOME QUESTIONS

what do jenny and alex really want [Two words: Wyoming Porn.]
is woman in hoppers nighthawks smoking or eating [She's eating a candy cigarette. Hopper was very tricky that way.]
if it is possible to delay the interview until monday [No, I'm sorry.]
how to become Baltimore magazine hot singles 2007 [Live in Baltimore. Be outgoing. Be smart. Be successful. Be a little slutty.]


NEW SUB-GENRES

noir surfer [Dude, like, let's find this gnarly black bird and some tasty waves.]
dinosaur noir [Fred Flintstone as Philip Marlowe.]


THIS WILL TEACH HIM

put your husband in a maid uniform [My husband or yours?]
maid uniform for my husband [Right, because I don't have a husband.]
husband in maids uniform [Wait, am I the husband?]


WEDDED BLISS

hump my wife [What's the occasion?]
fucking faithful wife stories [Oh, she's been faithful. Do you have anything special planned?]
hump her throat [Most woman like flowers, but I'm sure she'll still be surprised.]


JUST ODD
testifying to congress "skeet skeet" [Do you, Lil' Jon, swear to tell the Crunk, the whole Crunk and nothing but the Crunk? 'Yeah!']
sex-sounds ipod [Please see Lil' Jon's testimony.]
ron Jeremy advice [Look like a hedgehog and have a large cock. Life doesn't get easier than that.]
megan found in motel dead in California [I have an alibi.]
manboob photos [Why aren't these people going to Patrick's and Lyman's blogs?]
hang gliding what wouldn't jesus do [Can you blame him?]
get a copy of the newspaper fuck bush [I'm assuming they're talking about W, or that's one progressive newspaper.]
sexual orientation of caleb carr [Did someone get the cold shoulder?]
cormac mccarthy+dr. sues+knights+actual [WTF?]
"will shortz" kicked my ass [I wouldn't let that get around.]
sperm poem (2 hits) [There's nothing quite like a poem about sperm, isn't that right, Stumpy?]

2 comments:

Lyman said...

Nope, no manboob inquiries on my site. No interest in my pathetic tatas. The strangest hit that lead someone to my site was "necrophilia fiction." Someone's been getting into my private files again...

Patrick Shawn Bagley said...

Don't hate me because I'm voluptuous.